The Dark Diviness……
What even is that? never heard of it.
It’s actually who is that? … she is a 25-year-old go-getter
I promise you will not want to put her book down.
She is Me as I am she,
I would describe my exterior to be adorned in excessive amounts of black and of course can’t forget the tasteful dashes of silver slithers.
Everything I own or acquire myself are ALL black.
My hair -dyed black,
my lipstick choice currently is black,
my pedicure -black,
my clothes yes are all black,
so, I am sure you get the picture.
All black everything
Anyway,
Before you start assuming she must be “emo” or one of those dark depressing “goths” (no offence to all you magnificent human beings however) it would actually be very far from it.
This Dark Diviness,
Is a redefined warrior,
a Goddess,
a mother,
a lover and when necessary,
The most fierce and formidable protector around.
You see, my diverse…
… life experience even though still “young” has felt like a torturous punishment only to become preparation for my MOST EPIC chapter yet!
I almost always felt fully immersed in darkness not literally but 100% mentally,
I lead an ultimately lonely life.
Always have.
All whilst juggling a childhood,
adolescence,
Depression,
PTSD,
becoming a Parent,
A relationship,
Adulthood, you name it.
These gloomy moments were the catalyst for the wild card character that you have begun to read about today.
This is not a journal of my challenges,
But an account of my experiences encouraging others to heal and conquer in similar ways that I have.
I maybe only 25,
Yes, but my heart is wise and my mind now, Samurai.
I am absolutely over the moon to announce and reveal to the world the wisdom,
Inspiration,
Creativity and empowerment that I have gained throughout my journey.
I started blogging in an effort to start publishing my works, thoughts, visions etc. to anyone interested.
I write to unleash my inner thoughts and feelings…. with a twist of course,
Instead of bleeding unrequited love all over the pages I decided to recreate those same thoughts.
Feelings even details that I could not shake,
Into power.
Those little smells,
Snippets of memories,
Unwanted reminders,
Emotions that caused me much heart ache eventually became kick ass poetry.
I simply changed the narrative,
Flipped the feeling and suddenly that thing that I couldn’t get off my mind,
That had been bothering me for quite some time,
Unnecessarily bringing me down … became an energetic, uplifting, positive evoking metaphor.
The more I wrote the better I felt,
The more I shared my writing with others the more my confidence and self-esteem grew.
I eventually discovered healthier ways of processing dark dismal thoughts and emotions by rearranging them to produce a self-empowering tool.
I could utilize this to kickstart then boost my healing.
Gradually developing my own methods to do so.
Every day, intentions became my new religion and rituals.
What was once heavy, became light!
Then nonexistent.
First and foremost,
BOUNDARIES- keep them high then raise them higher.
I began to notice my price continued to increase.
The deeper I dove inside myself,
The more beautiful all of my pain looked.
Don’t allow others reaction and feelings to affect you,
and especially YOUR PEACE.
The more that slides, the easier you are disrespected.
Take care, however and take time to find your own flow and balance when it comes to these situations.
This took me quite a while to get the hang of because I needed to let go of my own fears and limiting beliefs in order to receive what was already mine.
SCRIPTING- is an incredibly clever method that I used ALOT.
You can use almost ANYTHING! – with a little bit of creativity.
It is fairly simple,
Be direct with intention worded in positive past tenses.
I always enjoyed writing my own forecast in a daily planner whether it was writing tactfully or using symbols, stickers whatever was on hand.
The more Incognito the better. Custom-fit!
These simple practices helped me manifest all that my life is today and the future ahead.
I became so adept with my use of words,
I combined the energy of a written book,
pamphlets anything that had a passage of words on it.
I would then in my own way,
manifest my own desires by underlining, circling and cubing particular words to re-write future reality in my favor.
By removing negativity and re-arranging Gorey scenes to create different outcomes and scenarios.
From start to finish.
I would challenge myself with any reading material I could lay hands on.
My imagination, pure genius!
Little did I know I was alchemizing words,
Fine tuning another one of my greatest talents,
-Alchemy.
By simply rearranging the ingredients of say a novel or paragraph I figured out that my micro to macros were on point.
If I was doing this with literature, I was obviously doing this on some other level maybe even levels.
By treating my emotions and even thoughts in the same way I was shifting my reality into my most preferred results.
And no one thought anything of it.
Without much effort at all I found the answers,
it just came naturally.
I started paying more attention and taking note of the quirky little things I did,
Every single one of them
.
My unique skill set, and interests meant that I was drawn to certain things no one else was.
It meant that I found myself doing things at random,
Then later, figuring out why.
Turns out they were my body’s natural responses,
I am magnetic to these things even though intentionally I was totally unaware.
Once bought to my attention,
I became more and more aware that I would have to start to do things with intention and lots of it.
Lunatics like him had been in spiritual warfare for almost 50 years.
They understood the ins and outs.
Then there was me just having a laugh.
I would quickly have to get the hang of all this, NOW!
Things felt tense,
Which meant that they were attempting to close in on me,
Yet again!
I could feel it.
This time I was AWARE.
Before then I never really noticed I had these gifts,
I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness which meant I didn’t explore any of this stuff, not ever.
Better late than never I suppose,
I would be learning things backwards, as per usual.
Back to front – front to back – Ins and outs.
Everyone had been ahead of me all this time, apparently it was easy.
I always had an odd way of processing information,
Right now, it was, CRITICAL.
But hey! No pressure! no diamond.
I began paying attention to everything around me the signs,
I realized the answers had literally been right in front of me.
The conversations,
Ads, any audio around me seemed to speak what I was thinking or feeling or yet to happen – with their 2 cents added sometimes too.
I took note of the numbers and their meanings.
Synchronicities.
Where and when I had seen them.
The damn devils in the detail alright, colors, symbols, placement everything had a meaning and purpose.
Definitions that had been sitting in my memory bank and where I keep all my random facts.
Suddenly I understood what they all meant.
EUREKA
My own very unique way of looking at things beneficial to interpreting the significance of each component.
I was unlocking more and more of my mind.
Gifts then learning to use them all in one hit.
Deciphering cryptic clues around me was only the beginning and the easiest.
My eye for detail made that light work.
Regulating my emotions correctly was the most difficult part.
Let alone aligning them with my thoughts.
Then, I learned actually how powerful emotion is especially out of love.
It was translated to me through that of “The Lunatic” driving my car according to what I was throwing out his own philosophy.
These dangerous conditions meant that I would quickly have to get a grip we were almost maxing the speedo out without any signs of slowing or stopping.
Until I could manage it enough this crazy sh*t continued.
I’d have to run before. I could walk or crawl,
They meant business.
Eventually,
I managed to adjust correctly. Phewww!!
Still in for the count.
It was situations like this, that required 100% ultimate protection.
Hence, why black gave me so much comfort.
I grew more and more clothed in black.
For obvious reasons now.
My life regularly put on the line – right down to the wire.
I always felt safer,
as if I were wearing inconspicuous Armour or something.
(began transforming into something kind of like Wednesday Addams- so they used to tell me)
Then I found out black is the color literally of protection is has many things associated with it -like death as you read above but it does serve many more uses.
You know, even though I endured all these ordeals I still remained compassionate,
I still preserved an absolute pure heart.
Funny enough, I’m Proud of me.
To say the, least that I had the strength and reflexes to stay afloat.
I also realized every so called “outburst” or “episode” that inevitably would happen I was only protecting my inner child.
I would just have to be more mindful and consistent.
As he had explained to me when I react like this it created precise ripple effects,
very destructive ones
I’d have to learn the lessons, On the GO1
I would have to learn to change its tune. ASAP
It was not so long ago that I realized that I had such an incredible heart.
All those years of being conditioned,
Groomed and manipulated in to being powerless.
Ever since I could remember really – that feeling unfortunately became normal!
And was considerably difficult to overcome.
My recipe to turning pain into power!
Had sprung from the depths of my heartache,
And trauma and life-threatening behavior as mentioned above.
In accordance with every personal demon, I have devoured.
I am still super grateful for the breath in my lungs,
The blood in my veins, the MOST!
Bringing you the absolute best of both worlds. Just normalizing duality – like yin and yang!
Till next time
Yours Truly
The Dark Diviness.